15 Thoughts Every Girl Has While On Her Period

Wait, wasn't I supposed to get my period 2 days ago? The last time I had sex was 6 months ago, but I swear I'm pregnant.

1. CODE RED. THE RED TSUNAMI IS ARRIVING. Ahh I can feel those beautiful menstrual cramps. Which means I got approximately 3 hours before the flood gates open. I'm praying I still have a tampon stuffed somewhere in my purse.

2. What if this was the good egg? Now, I do not need any mini-me's running around anytime soon. But fact is every time we get our periods, we lose an egg. And what if this egg was the egg that contained the perfect DNA? My kids better be cute.

3. Are you f**cking kidding me? That's my sexy underwear. Another valiant soldier, fallen in vain.

4. Yes, please destroy my white shorts as well while you're at it. Honestly, nothing in my closet is safe at the moment.

5. TAMPON AND PAD COMMERCIALS LIE. No. Do not smile. Do not prance around. Curl up on the couch and wallow in your misery like the rest of us.

6. The chocolate will numb all my pain. No, this is not healthy. Yes, I should stop. But I still got half a box left.

7. How much alcohol and Tylenol can I mix? Some risks are worth taking.

8. I need the D, right now. But do NOT touch me. I need you to come hold me and cuddle with me and make out with me but do not come within a 10 foot radius of me.

9. My boyfriend should get a period. Lucky son-of-a-b*tch. Men don't have to go through the joys of the menstrual cycle, but we do. Then we get to experience the pleasures of childbirth. Only to create more men who JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

10. How do I tell a guy I can't go out with him tonight because I'm on my period, without making it awkward? Again, men just don't understand.

11. Did I swallow a dagger or is that my uterus just trying to destroy itself? CRAMPS. CRAMPS. CRAMPS.

12. One of these days, one of my tampons are just going to disappear. Honestly, it's a mystery down there and one day a tampon is gonna get swallowed up into the unknown depths of blood and cramps.

13. Should my stomach be making these noises? I'm dying. I'm deathly ill. There is no other reason I would be making a noise like this. My stomach is warning me that my end is near.

14. Maybe menopause won't be so bad... There is nothing about bleeding for an entire week that is appealing. It needs to stop.